The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Mom said you looked used
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
