just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
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I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
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every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
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