"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
