I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
