On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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