i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Randomize
