the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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