The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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