Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
