Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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