i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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