problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
