highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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