So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
