The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
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