i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
