I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
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