i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize