i think my mom watched the whole time
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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