he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
