I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
