I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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