I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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