You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
