Screwed.edu
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Come on in and take your pants off
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