You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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