I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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