I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
