Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
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Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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