He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
high people should be assigned attendants
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
