My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
