watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
