Pregnant stripper...not hot.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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