How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
so explain again why im purple
no
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
