Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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