haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
