This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
