I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
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