he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
He called his prostate his "boner button".
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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