Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize