I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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