this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
