Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
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