just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
