When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
