i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
