Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
