The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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