his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
