Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
