Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
ttyl tear gas
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
