Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
