at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
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