My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
You can't just leave with hair like that
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
