Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
