All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
