am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
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Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
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I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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