Pappa wants mamma naked
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
