Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
She told me I should be a condom model.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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