this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
