he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
