but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Randomize
