the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
why do cheetos always look like penises
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
as a side note pls kill me
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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