I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
just come out here and I will go home with you...
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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