I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
