If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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