I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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