Apparently you make a good broom.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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