Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Randomize
