New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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