Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Randomize
