Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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