This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
