you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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